What Do?

It was a brief (76-mile) road race through beautiful scenery, which was completely lost on me as I spent the entire three-and-a half-hours trying not to get dropped or crash.

What Was It Like?

How pigs feel inside a trailer as the door opens into a factory.


“I like the way you die, boy.”

~Me, to no one, right before the stage. I’ve been on Rio so long that formerly cherished references to Django Unchained are no longer appreciated. F I’m old.


“What is Cole doing?”

~Henry, Alex, Ethan, and I, out loud, at the same time, as we looked up the road near the summit of Pinos Altos and saw Cole attacking the entire peloton.


“That was easy.”

Uh huh.”

~Every other Rio teammate after we all made it to the valley without getting dropped or crashing. I wanted to lie down in a ditch and die.


“Would you be willing to be interviewed and talk about what you love about Silver City?”

“Do you have three hours?”

~ The reporter had no idea I lost two hours of sleep last night trawling Zillow for properties.


“It takes a strong man to let everybody down.”

~Tony Olso, our Minnesotan DS, is full of wisdom.


“We’re off like a prom dress.”

~Not naming names.


“Your armrests are 200 mm and look like you shrunk two couches and attached them to your TT bars. They need to be 120 mm, lol. Good luck.”

~God Bless the UCI Time Trial bike jig officials.


“How tall do you think you are?”

“185 cm even on my worst day.”

“You’re 184.6.”

~Random UCI official, measuring my height and leveling my happiness.


“Nobody went up Mogollon on Rio like Brett Rindt in 2019.”

“Yeah, he was killing it until the time trial and then fell apart.”

“Did you beat him in 2019 in the overall?”


“Jesus, you do the same shit every year, just slowly sneak up the GC.”

“You mean starting off bad and staying bad instead of terrible?”

~The gig is up on my stage racing strategy.


“Are you getting lonely over there at the other house, Matthew?”

~Robert Porter, the 76-year-old owner of the host house where the rest of Rio is staying, is simultaneously a gem and a sweetheart. 

Shoot Me (What I Hated About Today)

  • I got dropped on one of the last rollers because I was so pleased with myself for staying in the field until that point that I stopped paying attention and got shelled over the top like a smooth-brained mouth breather.
  • No store in town stocks Buddha Himalayan popcorn. 
  • The tuberculosis houses in Fort Bayard are not for sale. I checked.
  • I forgot to do Duolingo and lost a 90-day streak. 

Hold Me (What I Loved About Today?)

  • I found a cheese slicer at Walmart.
  • La Cocina, Silver City’s best Mexican restaurant, stays open until 9 pm.


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