What did we do today? What was it like?
Redlands criterium race, which is the equivalent of doing a crit race with a layout designed by someone blindfolding my three-year-old son and asking him to draw a circle.
How did I do?
I’ll tell you when you’re older.
Quote of the day
“Did you forget something today?” Tyrel said.
“Huh?” said Chaz?
“Is there someone you should be calling today?”
“Uhhhh”
“It’s your Mom’s birthday.”
“Oh. Yeah, I should probably say something.”
—————————————————————————-
“You coming on the coffee ride?” said James.
“I can’t go. I have homework to do,” said Tayne.
“Just drop out, bro.”
Random Aside
A new tradition emerged. Every night, without any coordination, I walk in on Tayne brushing his teeth in the bathroom. He doesn’t make eye contact and continues standing there blankly at the sink. Wordlessly, I enter, shimmy to the toilet, and piss.
Tayne studiously continues flossing as if I’m not pissing two feet to his left. I continue pissing as if Tayne isn’t flossing two feet to my left. I wipe down the toilet bowl because we live in a civilization, and without looking at me, Tayne says, “You don’t need to do that,” to which I reply, “We’re not animals, Tayne; there are rules,” and then leave.
What I hated about today
Literally every minute I was in the company of my 20-something teammates today I’d hear what sounded like a mentally challenged bird whistling badly, which sounded a lot like, “Sheesh”.
I’d hear the noise, look around the room, and realize it was one of my teammates.
I’d think, ‘that’s strange, maybe I should look into those Costco hearing aids I am getting older after all’ and then I’d hear it again from another corner of the room.
No, my ears work just fine, what I was picking up was my teammates repeating some TikTok viral meme in every situation for no apparent reason?
See an aggressive driver on the highway?
SHEEEEEESH.
Alex eat yet another 450 g serving of bagels and butter?
SHEEEEEESH.
Someone forget their mother’s birthday?
SHEEEEEESH.
Girls hollah at us as we roll to Chipolte post crit?
SHEEEEEESH.
Henry miss the love of his life in a CVS pharmacy that smelled like rotting feet?
SHEEEEEESH.
Mediocre power reveal/inner race commentary
Enough said.
My wife’s friend and her father drove 80 minutes to see me make it 35 minutes into a crit but still yelled at me every lap like I was Lewis freaking Hamilton and then weren’t ashamed to talk to me after I got pulled and everyone on the street was like:
My family is meeting me in Silver City, New Mexico for the second stage race the Tour of the Gila.
My wife is a freaking angel.
I’ve spent years failing badly at bikes so you don’t have to. I have a mortgage, two kids, a wife, a dog that doesn’t listen, a weakness for Miller Lite, and fish frys – but I can still turn a pedal if I have to. Chances are we’ll get along just fine.
C’mon now – let’s get fast together!
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